If there's anything that I could bring forward from being a fifteen year old boy growing up in the 80's it would have to be my ability to hold up my Heather Thomas poster with one hand and my superhuman recall of all things Monty Python. My favourite Python quote to this day is still, "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Well, nobody would ever expect that in an enlightened age like we supposedly live in today that an organized league of highly paid professionals would condone gladiatorial like conduct among their own kind by staying silent on head shots and the back alley thuggery that has permeated the NHL at this moment in time.

But, Hey... I'm not here to whine. I'll let the rest of the internet do that. Here's what I did with, "Find and Replace" and one of my favourite scenes from, "Seinfeld."

Enjoy...

"THE POLICY"

GARY BETTMAN : Yeah, they're in London now. They'll be back in a few weeks.

COLIN CAMPBELL: I can't believe he got involved with an actress.

COLIN CAMPBELL: So, what's happening with the Head Shot Rule? You come up with anything?

GARY BETTMAN: No, nothing.

COLIN CAMPBELL: Why don't they have Satan on the ice?

GARY BETTMAN : What do you need Satan on the ice for?

COLIN CAMPBELL: Satan is now the number one scoring Slovakian in America.

GARY BETTMAN : You know why? Because people like to say "Satan." "Excuse me, do you like Satan?" "We need more Satan" "Where is Satan? No Satan?"

COLIN CAMPBELL: You know it must be impossible for an NHL GM to trade for
Satan and not get Satan. (Angry) "I wanted Satan, not Palffy."

GARY BETTMAN : "Don't you know the difference between Satan and Palffy??

COLIN CAMPBELL: See, this should be the policy. This is the policy.

GARY BETTMAN : What?

COLIN CAMPBELL: This. Just talking.

GARY BETTMAN : (dismissing) Yeah, right.

COLIN CAMPBELL: I'm really serious. I think that's a good idea.

GARY BETTMAN : Just talking? Well what's the head shot policy about?

COLIN CAMPBELL: It's about nothing.

GARY BETTMAN : No suspensions? No fines?

COLIN CAMPBELL: No forget the suspensions. Forget the fines.

GARY BETTMAN : You've got to have a suspension.

COLIN CAMPBELL: Who says you gotta have a suspension? Remember when Kariya got stick raped by Gary Suter? We didn’t do anything then.

GARY BETTMAN : And the head shot policy is about nothing?

COLIN CAMPBELL: Absolutely nothing.

GARY BETTMAN : So you're saying, I go in to Congress, Board of Governors, the media, and tell them I got this idea for a head shot policy and it’s about nothing.

COLIN CAMPBELL: We go into Congress, Board of Governors, the media

GARY BETTMAN : "We"? Since when are you a Commissioner?

COLIN CAMPBELL: (Scoffs) Commissioner. We're talking about the NHL.

GARY BETTMAN : You want to go with me to the Board of Governors?

COLIN CAMPBELL: Yeah. I think we really got something here.

GARY BETTMAN : What do we got?

COLIN CAMPBELL: An idea.

GARY BETTMAN : What idea?

COLIN CAMPBELL: An idea for the Head Shot Policy.

GARY BETTMAN : I still don't know what the idea is.

COLIN CAMPBELL: It's about nothing.

GARY BETTMAN : Right.

COLIN CAMPBELL: The NBA, The NFL, Everybody's doing something, we'll do nothing.

GARY BETTMAN : So, we go into the Board of Governors, we tell them we've got an idea for a Head shot Policy and it’s about nothing.

COLIN CAMPBELL: Exactly.

GARY BETTMAN : They say, "What's your Policy?" I say, "Nothing."

COLIN CAMPBELL: There you go.

(A moment passes)

GARY BETTMAN: (Nodding) I think you may have something there.